Proper 18 - Psalm 139

Psalm 139

1   LORD, you have searched me out and known me; *

     you know my sitting down and my rising up; 

     you discern my thoughts from afar.

2   You trace my journeys and my resting-places *

     and are acquainted with all my ways.

3   Indeed, there is not a word on my lips, *

     but you, O LORD, know it altogether.

There are people who live a secret life - one they find hard to share with others - not because it's a bad thing, it just is.  My mother was a very private person and I tend to take after her because that's the way I was raised.  But it probably has more with my insecurities than anything else.  I used to say that I was shy and then I learned about being introverted and I latched onto that concept.  It is true, I am introverted, but that's not the whole story.  It is fear that keeps me bound - I'm afraid that I don't have anything to say that anyone wants to hear.  That might seem to be an oxymoron because I can get up and preach without that fear.  But when I'm preaching I'm delivering God's word, not my own.  Anytime I see it as "my words," I fall flat on my face, and that happens more times than I want to remember.

Lord, you have searched me out and known me - So, Lord, since you know me so well, abide with me in all my ways.  You know when I've fallen and been less than you desire.  You know when I have failed to listen and failed to respond.  You know when I have strayed from your ways and blundered into an un-charted path or muddled around in a swamp.  But still you love me and hold me.  So guide me and direct me that you may be the guiding light that I follow - free from fear, free to be myself, just the way you made me.  Amen.